It Meant Everything
by I Need Space - And Fresh Air
Summary: In which Kurt takes everything Blaine said in the hotel room to heart even though he tried to play it off as something less significant that what it actually was. Reaction fic to 4x14 (I Do) in which Kurt Hummel reflects on the time he spent with Blaine before and during the reception and contemplates whether he is ready to become a "them" again. (Spoilers for the episode.)


A/N: Rating is for language and sexual content. It's not smut for smut's sake because it's canon. This is just my version of it...

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

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"I'm not going to let you minimize this, Kurt."

Blaine's words had been on Kurt's mind the whole flight back to New York.

Rachel took a flight home the day before and Santana was staying a few extra days (something about "reconnecting with old friends"), so Kurt was able to be alone in his thoughts during the short flight into LaGuardia.

He didn't plan on sleeping with Blaine over Mr. Schuester's wedding weekend – it just kind of happened. Kurt knew Blaine was going to the wedding with Tina, and Mercedes had asked if he would escort her to the ceremony, so he just assumed the first time he would see his ex-boyfriend was across the aisle in the church. But, when Mercedes rolled up to the Hudmel residence with Tina and Blaine already in tow, Kurt could feel butterflies in his stomach. He had seen Blaine at Christmas and they had talked over the phone more than a few times since then, but it was a surprise to see him nonetheless. As soon as they locked eyes, Kurt's heart began to pound. It wasn't fair for Blaine to always look at him like he was the most precious person on the planet. Not after what Blaine did to him. Not after what Blaine did to them.

Though Blaine had apologized at least a hundred times, Kurt still wasn't completely ready to forgive him for cheating. Kurt knew if they got back together that Blaine would never cheat again, but that wouldn't take away the fact that he did it before and it tore them apart.

As Kurt slid into the passenger seat of Mercedes' Prius, he could still feel Blaine's eyes on him. It took a lot of willpower, but Kurt forced himself not to turn around to look upon the other boy. He still loved Blaine and knew Blaine still loved him… but he knew Blaine wanted to get back together and Kurt wasn't sure if he was ready to take that final step. Plus, it was kind of nice having someone pine after him. In a twisted way, it gave Kurt pleasure knowing Blaine was so open and revealing of his feelings for him. Having had a crush on Blaine for months before the other boy finally felt the same way and made a move, it was oddly satisfying for the roles to be reversed for once.

Kurt had every intention of hopping out of the front seat and walking arm-in-arm with Mercedes into the church, but his plans were thwarted when Blaine put a hand on his shoulder after the girls had already exited the car. A hand on the shoulder quickly turned into a hand down his pants and Kurt and Blaine spent the better part of half an hour letting their fingers wander over familiar paths across the other boy's body. Kisses were frantic and no matter how hard they tried, they could never quite get enough friction between each other's cocks. Besides using his hand, Kurt's last time getting off with someone else was with Blaine the night before he left for New York. He wasn't aware just how much he needed release and though he and Blaine were still just friends at this point, he gladly allowed his friend to relieve some of the tension he hadn't realized had built up over the past few months.

Before they could go any further, Mercedes pounded on the window to tell the boys they were needed in the church. After scrambling out of the car and trying to discreetly cover up his erection, Kurt brushed off the car sex as a hookup and allowed himself to be dragged toward across the parking lot. While he waited for the ceremony to start, he tried to rationalize what he and Blaine did as blowing off some steam and nothing more. They were just friends, even though he was pretty sure he would never let someone who was "just a friend" give him a handjob in the back of a car in the middle of a church parking lot in broad daylight regardless how horny he was.

It wasn't just a hookup, though. Sex still meant something to him. Sex still meant everything to him. Blaine was the only person he had been with because Blaine was the only person he ever loved. He promised his dad he wouldn't throw himself around and he kept his word. It's not that he didn't have the opportunities or wasn't tempted, because he was… but he couldn't stand the thought of letting his dad or himself down.

Kurt's thinking time in his pew was cut short when Ms. Pillsbury ran off before she could become Mrs. Schuester. The reception, however, was still on and the glee kids were expected to provide the entertainment. He had already agreed to sing a duet with Blaine and he wasn't about to break his word. They had practiced via Skype the week before and somehow managed to pull off their choreography as if they had weeks of rehearsal. Kurt knew they'd be flawless – their duets always were.

Kurt loved to perform with Blaine, but he mostly loved watching Blaine perform. The other boy was a born showman and always had the crowd eating out of his hand in mere minutes. As they sang, Kurt felt his heart swell even more than it had when they were in the car together. He loved Blaine and it was so easy to feel that he was in love with Blaine as he entertained everyone with his voice and charm.

But Blaine had hurt him. Blaine had hurt them…

…And apparently Tina Cohen Chang unbuttoned Blaine's shirt and rubbed Vapo-Rub all over his chest. Blaine's chest. Blaine's chest that used to and still did shiver under the touch of Kurt's fingertips. No one was allowed to touch Blaine like that, especially while Blaine was passed out. Kurt snapped at Tina because Tina took advantage of Blaine. _His_ Blaine.

Oh shit…

He knew he wasn't supposed to get defensive like that. Blaine wasn't his boyfriend anymore, but Kurt still felt possessive over him. Though he tried to quash his romantic feelings, the truth was he still considered Blaine to be his and on some level, he was still Blaine's. Yes, he was kind of seeing Adam, but he only asked him out for coffee because Rachel was so insistent that he move on. But did he need to move on? Did he _want _to move on?

Kurt was pretty sure Rachel shouldn't have been handing out relationship advice anyway. Not only was she sleeping with Brody, but he was living in their apartment now too. Yet, there she was, up on stage with Finn singing "We've Got Tonight" like it was their theme song. He paid little attention to his stepbrother and his roommate, though, because he was busy dancing with Blaine.

Slow dancing with Blaine wasn't something he got to do in public often. They used to dance in Blaine's room, but this was different because other people could see them in an intimate embrace. Kurt's hands automatically wrapped themselves around Blaine's shoulders and Blaine's hands slid slowly up Kurt's back. He leaned into the pressure of Blaine's fingertips, feeling safe and wanted in the arms of his friend. His lover? Oh god, when did Kurt Hummel become the person who had a friend with benefits?

Their cheeks met softly while Kurt and Blaine swayed to the music as if they were the only two people in the room. He almost tensed when he felt Blaine smile against his shoulder, but instead sighed with contentment. He used to wish he could spend forever wrapped up in Blaine's arms.

He was quickly feeling that way again.

Before the song ended and before Kurt realized what he was doing, he loosened himself from Blaine's grasp and slid his hand into the hand of other boy. Without words, Kurt led Blaine out of the reception hall and toward the elevator.

Kurt had rented a room for himself because he assumed the reception would be long and he didn't want to go back to an empty house that late at night. (Sadly, his dad and Carole were in DC for the weekend.) Blaine didn't ask any questions as they walked side-by-side down the hall toward Room 206, though he did duck his head and grin to himself, giddy from the prospect of a second round with the love of his life.

Before he could really think it through, Kurt grabbed Blaine by his necktie and dragged him into the hotel room. He quickly slid the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the handle before shutting the door and locking it. Blaine was already taking off his suit jacket by time Kurt turned around.

Time seemed to stop for a fraction of a second while both boys raked their eyes over each other, pupils blown wide with want. Kurt quickly shed his jacket and dropped it on the floor, not caring in that moment that it would wrinkle. There wasn't time for hangers right now. Not when there were still two layers of fabric between Blaine's mouth and his cock.

As Kurt fumbled with his belt buckle, Blaine stripped off his dress shirt and kicked off his shoes. Kurt's jaw dropped a bit when he saw Blaine wasn't wearing any sort of undershirt. Blaine saw Kurt staring hungrily at his exposed chest and his face flushed red. "Tell me what you want, Kurt," Blaine demanded quietly. "Please."

Kurt was still fiddling with his belt buckle when Blaine slowly walked toward him and dropped his hands to help. Without breaking eye contact with Kurt, Blaine managed to unclasp the buckle and unbutton Kurt's pants. He licked his palm then slid a confident hand underneath the waistband of Kurt's briefs and wrapped it around Kurt's cock, which was already hard. Kurt's couldn't help but surge his face forward and latch his lips onto Blaine's. They kissed slowly, but messily as Blaine leisurely stroked Kurt. After a small groan escaped from the back of Kurt's throat, he pulled away and looked Blaine in the eye. "I want your mouth."

"Mmm, yes," Blaine said as he leaned in and kissed Kurt again, dragging his tongue across the other boy's upper lip.

"Want your mouth," Kurt managed to get out as he started sucking on the spot between Blaine's neck and his shoulder. "On me."

While he continued to stroke Kurt, Blaine used his other hand to slide Kurt's pants and underwear down toward his ankles. Blaine slowly dropped to his knees and looked up at Kurt. He took his hand off of Kurt's cock and slowly licked it again before wrapping it back around the base of Kurt's shaft. Blaine then wet his lips before wrapping them around the head of Kurt's penis.

From there, they fell back into a familiar rhythm. Kurt's fingers quickly found their way to the back of Blaine's head as Blaine steadied Kurt's hip with his free hand. Blaine hummed as he greedily sucked Kurt to the brink of orgasm. They then scrambled to the bed where Kurt removed Blaine's pants and boxerbriefs before working him open with the help of some lube Kurt almost forgot he had in his overnight bag. Kurt took his time, making sure to crook his fingers just so every so often to send Blaine to the cusp of falling apart. When neither of them could take it anymore, Blaine rolled a condom down Kurt's length before Kurt put more lube on his hand and cock. It felt like home, sinking unhurriedly but deeper into Blaine before he finally bottomed out. They stayed frozen in a tight, sweaty embrace for several moments before Blaine begged Kurt to move.

And move he did – in slow, sure thrusts.

Kurt and Blaine had rushed through everything earlier – as if it were their only chance to feel that way and each other again. They hadn't planned on having time in a hotel room (though both boys had fantasized about it at least a handful of times over the past few weeks). Now that they were actually together in private, they wanted to take their time and make sure they appreciated the fact that they were moving as one again.

As Kurt gradually took him to the edge, Blaine groaned, "Oh god. I love you Kurt. I love you so fucking much," before his words turned to cries of ecstasy as warm spurts of ejaculate coated their hands and stomachs. Kurt soon followed and they rode out their orgasms together, holding each other as if their lives depended on it. The smell of sex combined with their sweat and cologne was oddly comforting to Kurt but it made his heart hurt as his high began to wear off. He loved Blaine. He loved _them_. But, he was so scared of being a "them" again when he knew what happened if that stopped. When that stopped.

Though they could have easily fallen asleep right then and there, Blaine convinced Kurt to take a shower with him so they could clean up before heading back down the reception. After Blaine gently washed their torsos clean, he allowed Kurt to softly work the gel out of his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed with contentment as Kurt's fingers massaged his head. Kurt would sometimes allow Blaine to wash his hair, but Blaine knew better than to ask right then. He had to let Kurt take the reigns on everything because Kurt was the one who would determine if they were ever to get back together. As much as Blaine wanted to be Kurt-and-Blaine again, he had no say in the matter. Not after what he did to Kurt. Not after what he did to them.

The shower was oddly silent, as was the hotel room when the two boys got dressed. Kurt let Blaine borrow a clean undershirt since he now had small bruises dotting his shoulders and hips that would be noticeable if he only wore his thin dress shirt back downstairs.

After he got his pants and wifebeater on, Kurt faced the mirror and slowly buttoned up his shirt, playing the whole day in his mind and thinking how he got there to that moment. He was conflicted as he watched Blaine settle himself on the bed. Kurt didn't regret making love to Blaine because that's what it was - love. But, he wasn't sure if he was ready to re-label them as boyfriends quite yet. He had a coffee date with Adam in two days. He wasn't seeing Adam the way that he used to see Blaine even before he and Blaine were boyfriends. But still, he wasn't sure what to call what just happened. Yes, it was ultimately an act of trust, but he wasn't sure if he could be what Blaine obviously wanted them to be. So, while he figured it out, he would keep telling himself that even though he loved Blaine, the two of them were just friends and this was all a bit of fun.

Blaine, however, wasn't completely happy with that answer.

"I'm not going to let you minimize this, Kurt."

Kurt knew Blaine was right but was too proud and stubborn to admit it. Kurt couldn't minimize what happened to them that day because it was too big. It was sex. It was trust. It was vulnerability. It was touching and feeling and wanting and loving and all those things that his dad warned him about, but something he never had to worry about with Blaine because every time they were together, they were _together._ Every time Kurt and Blaine had sex with each other they knew it was special because it was theirs and only theirs. _That's_ why Kurt was so hurt when Blaine cheated on him. All those nights when they held each other and promised that the other boy was the only one were suddenly a lie.

A few weeks prior, Kurt was finally able to hear Blaine out about this Eli guy, where he learned that it didn't go any further than handjobs and it was only just the once. Though that was still one time too many for Kurt's liking, he felt a huge amount of relief when he realized that he was still the only person who had ever been inside Blaine and that he was the only person Blaine had ever been inside of.

If anything, Kurt wasn't minimizing what happened – a least not to himself. Yes, he knew he was yanking Blaine around with the "we're just friends" talk, but he needed to buy himself some more time to figure things out. Was it unfair of him to sleep with Blaine and then not appease him with an answer with regard to their relationship status (or lack thereof)? Maybe. But Blaine had to know in his heart of hearts that sex still meant everything to Kurt and that he was just too confused to talk about their relationship yet. That's why when Kurt teased Blaine with a fake-out kiss and breathy "I'll see you downstairs," Blaine didn't pry any further. Kurt heard him whisper, "okay" before he left the room and was pretty sure he heard the springs creak on the bed from Blaine jumping up and down on it or something. Blaine's excitement caused Kurt to be excited… but that didn't make him any less scared of the enormity of it all.

Thankfully no one questioned them when they got back to the reception. It turned out the bigger scandal was that Quinn and Santana had disappeared together, as had Finn and Rachel. Kurt was grateful for the distraction and the only person who seemed in on their sexcapades was Mercedes who kept giving Kurt an evil glare before nodding over toward Blaine.

When the reception ended, Kurt hugged Blaine and headed back up to his room, alone. The air still smelled of sex as Kurt shucked off his suit for the second time that evening before burrowing himself in the blankets. As his mind raced, he heard his phone beep, indicating he had a new text. His hand blindly searched the nightstand for the phone and before he found it, accidentally knocked several used tissues onto the floor. Instead of being grossed out, Kurt blushed in the dark, reminded yet again that he and Blaine had sex. His phone began to ring, and he knew it was Blaine because he had switched his ringtone back to "Teenage Dream." A tear rolled down his cheek as he listened to the lyrics. They went all the way that night and though there probably weren't any regrets, there was definitely a lot of love. Kurt answered the phone and was able to disguise his feelings while Blaine reminded him about their coffee date the next morning. They said their goodnights before hanging up and Kurt finally fell asleep, replaying the day's events in his mind over and over again.

Their coffee date went well, though neither boy brought up the fact that their relationship was undefined even though they had sex multiple times in the last 24 hours. Instead they spoke of Kurt's transition into NYADA and Blaine's college applications. When Blaine had to get going else he would be late for school, Kurt offered to accompany him, saying he wanted to visit some teachers. Blaine knew this to be a lie, as Kurt wasn't close with any of his former instructors except for Mr. Schue, but he wasn't about to pass up a chance to spend some more time with Kurt.

They walked the halls, shoulder to shoulder on the way toward Blaine's homeroom. They ran into Tina and listened as she apologized for how she had been acting the past couple weeks. Blaine's heart skipped a beat when Tina said that watching him and Kurt sing together was like watching two soulmates rediscovering each other. Kurt saw the other boy smile with pride and fought to keep his own feelings at bay. It was easy to picture him and Blaine being together forever, but there was that lingering fear of wondering if he would be able to survive something else coming between them. He kept telling himself that Blaine swore what he did would never happen again. He trusted Blaine again, but didn't know if he could trust himself to completely put the past behind him so they could move forward.

Blaine had to get to homeroom and Kurt really needed to head to the airport to get through security for his early afternoon flight. As the warning bell rang, the two boys wrapped each other in a tight embrace. Blaine quietly asked Kurt to text him when he landed and Kurt promised he would. Kurt allowed his lips to brush Blaine's cheek as they pulled apart and tears filled both their eyes as they took one last look at each other.

"I'll talk to you later, Blaine," Kurt said as he took a step backward. He was never great at goodbyes especially with Blaine because he had never actually said that word to him. Even during their worst arguments, Kurt could never bring himself to utter the word because it had such finality to it and he and Blaine were supposed to be together forever.

Blaine gave a small smile, grateful for the weekend with Kurt but so sad to see the other boy leave. "I love you, Kurt." His eyes pled for Kurt to stay forever, or at least a few more minutes. "I always will."

A lump formed in Kurt's throat as he struggled to keep his composure in the hallway. "I lo-," he started before forcing himself to stop. He loved Blaine, he did, but he couldn't say it out loud right then without breaking down into an emotional puddle of tears. Blaine nodded, understanding the words Kurt couldn't get out, and bit his lip to prevent his own meltdown before reluctantly making his way into the classroom.

…

"I'm not going to let you minimize this, Kurt."

The words still played over and over in his mind while he waited for his suitcase in baggage claim. Blaine had to realize Kurt was only playing down the enormity of it all for self-preservation purposes; he just had to. Kurt knew if anyone found out that he and Blaine slept together, someone would probably have actually made him a "Congrats on the Sex" cake. His friends and family were too involved in his personal life, especially since the breakup. For a moment he was actually glad his dad was out of town for the weekend because Burt Hummel loved Blaine almost as much as Kurt did and if Burt thought that Kurt and Blaine were Kurt-and-Blaine again, he might have another heart attack.

Kurt texted out a "Back in NYC. Call you tomorrow" message to Blaine and hit "send" with a sigh. Though Kurt wished he had another day in Lima, he was secretly grateful for being back in New York where he wouldn't run the risk of falling back into bed with Blaine again before he had a chance to figure things out.

Being with Blaine felt right, but part of Kurt wondered if it was because it was something he was so used to, or if it was because he and Blaine really were soulmates. Blaine had told him several times over the past few months that he knew they were meant to be together forever. It still hurt Kurt to know that he only figured that out _after_ hooking up with Eli, but at the same time Kurt wished he knew with such certainty that Blaine actually was the one for him.

That was why Kurt kept his coffee date with Adam the next day.

They both had class in an hour, so they met at the crappy coffee shop around the corner from NYADA's auditorium. After a few minutes of pleasant small talk, Adam apologized and told Kurt that he had to type something up real quick for scene study later. Kurt found he didn't mind and pulled out his copy of _Streetcar_ that he neglected over the weekend. There was a comfortable silence between the two friends as Kurt poured over Williams' words while Adam's fingers tapped out a steady rhythm on his keyboard.

Kurt got to the part where a broken and desperate Stanley was screaming for Stella and his mind wandered off the page and to the movie version where Marlon Brando – in that sexy torn t-shirt – was on his knees, just begging to be heard. Oh that t-shirt. Blaine had a t-shirt on. Blaine had a t-shirt on in the hotel room. He and Blaine had sex in the hotel room. He and Blaine had sex. He and Blaine…

"Can you just minimize this, Kurt?"

The words were so familiar, and yet they just weren't right. He snapped out of his own thoughts and realized Adam had asked him a question. "What?"

Adam pointed to his computer screen. "Something popped up while I was typing and I'm still not used to this laptop. Can you just minimize it? Please?"

No, Kurt thought. He couldn't. Not anymore. "Yeah, sure."

Though his heart was racing, Kurt leaned over and tapped a few buttons on Adam's laptop to help him get back to his paper.

Kurt watched as Adam smiled and began typing again. Adam was so focused on his computer screen that his forehead scrunched up into delicate little lines and his tongue kept poking out of his mouth to wet his lips as his fingers flew across the keyboard. He was adorable and yet Kurt felt nothing for this other boy. He liked him as a friend and found him to be a kind and attractive person, but he didn't see a future with him like he did with Blaine.

From the start of his friendship with Blaine, Kurt knew the other boy would be in his life forever in some capacity. If Kurt was honest with himself, he started planning their wedding after Blaine was done singing the final notes of "Teenage Dream" the first day they met. What started off as an innocent crush soon turned into close friendship and ultimately deep feelings of love. Kurt always worried his feelings for Blaine were stronger than Blaine's feelings for him. That was why Sebastian was such a big threat and why Eli was the equivalent of a nail in his own coffin.

But over the past few months, Blaine confessed over and over again that he loved Kurt and Kurt alone and that he knew Kurt was the only one for him. That scared Kurt because for so long, he thought he would always be the one pining over someone else – if never occurred to Kurt that anyone, even Blaine, would feel that strongly about him.

Kurt was tired of being scared and was ready to take control of his life again. He was so proud of himself for moving to New York and earning an internship at and a spot at NYADA. He accomplished so much and learned how to stand on his own two feet. He knew he didn't _need_ someone in his life to be a complete person, but Kurt _wanted _someone in his life and he wanted that someone to be Blaine.

And he wanted that someone to be Blaine as soon as possible.

In that moment, Kurt knew what Blaine had been telling him all along – they were soulmates. There was no one else he would rather spend time with and there was no one else he trusted as implicitly as Blaine. It wasn't an accident that they were together over the weekend and they were going to be together for many more weekends to come. Yes, Blaine cheated, but it was because he thought Kurt had moved on from him. He realized he was wrong and had been paying for it ever since. Trying to work on their communication, Blaine had been continually open and honest about his feelings for Kurt and he just wanted Kurt to do the same in return. Kurt was finally ready - he just needed to not be sitting across from Adam.

Though it was nearing time to head to class, Kurt shoved his book in his bag and told Adam he forgot something in his last classroom so he wouldn't be going with him. He would have to tell him later that there would be no more coffee _dates_, but rather coffee outings with a friend.

Kurt sprinted out of the coffee shop and ran down the block to a small park he found during his first week of class. He flopped down on a bench and pulled out his phone. It was 3:04 and Blaine would have just gotten done with school and would likely be walking from his locker to his car. Kurt took a deep breath and pressed his speed dial. Blaine picked up after two rings.

"Hey Kurt, I didn't think I'd hear from you till la-"

"It meant everything." The words were out of Kurt's mouth with such a rush that he wasn't sure if Blaine heard him clearly because there was a long moment of silence over the other end of the phone. "Blaine?"

Kurt's comment seemed to come out of nowhere, though once Blaine thought about it for a second; he thought he knew what Kurt meant. But he wanted Kurt to say it – out loud – so Blaine knew they were on the same page. "What meant everything, Kurt?"

"This weekend. You. Me. It meant… it meant _everything_, Blaine. I needed you to know that," Kurt confessed quietly.

There was another bout of silence over the phone before Kurt heard Blaine sniffle and whisper, "I love you, Kurt. So, so much."

Kurt smiled even though he knew Blaine couldn't see it. He wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye before it could fall. "I love you too, Blaine."

"So are we… are we back together now?" Kurt could hear the hope in Blaine's voice and it made his heart ache with want.

"No –" Kurt started but was promptly cut off by a dejected Blaine.

"Oh."

"Blaine, listen to me," Kurt said softly but firmly. "I want to get back together with you, but not like this. Not over the phone. I need to see you again. I need to touch you again. I need to know that this is more than just this weekend. I need to know that this is real." There was some more silence, but Kurt could practically hear Blaine thinking.

"My spring break is in a few weeks," Blaine blurted out. "I want to… I mean, can I come see you? Can we be us again instead of just friends?"

Kurt chuckled, "We were never just friends, Blaine."

"But you said – "

"I know what I said," Kurt admitted, "But that's not how I felt."

"Oh." A wave of realization and relief washed over Blaine.

"Look, Blaine, I should get to class. Call me later and we'll figure out your flight plans, okay?" There was silence and Kurt figured Blaine was probably silently agreeing with him. "You're nodding aren't you?" Blaine's beautiful laugh sounded through his phone, causing Kurt to break into a wide smile. "Thought so. I love you, Blaine."

"I love you, Kurt. I always will."

And with that, Kurt pressed the "end call" button on his phone and sighed. Those words meant everything.


End file.
